PSA: New Pokémon Snap's Professor Mirror Is A Monster 1

PSA: New Pokémon Snap’s Professor Mirror Is A Monster

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Dead?! No, no, he's just stunned. Pinin' for the fjords, he is
Dead?! No, no, he’s just stunned. Pinin’ for the fjords, he is (Image: Angel Miranda)

We didn’t think we would have to say this, because you’ve all been to a zoo, right? You know the bit where it says “please don’t feed the animals”? Well, the implication is also that you shouldn’t LOB UNDER-RIPE FRUITS AT THEM, EITHER.

And yet, here we are. Multiple people have reported that — to their utter surprise — chucking hard objects at animals knocks them out. Did you need us to tell you that? Do you also want us to tell you not to kick puppies? Honestly.

But there’s really one person to blame, and that’s Professor Mirror, the chaotic force that gives you these apples, and names them “Fluffruit” like we can’t all see that those are apples, Professor. What happened to “not interfering with the local fauna”, eh? Is there a Lental version of PETA that we should be calling?

But oh, it gets worse. Professor Mirror doesn’t just encourage you to zonk out these poor, innocent Pokémon. Oh, no. He wants you to actively take photos of animals being devoured.

What kind of Professor are you, Mr Mirror? Did you get your degree from the University of Sadists? Why are you so fascinated by the food chain, and why have you roped a young student into feeding your mad taste for murder?

Does this look like it doesn't hurt?
Does this look like it doesn’t hurt? (Image: Tom Scott)

Still, he’s technically better than Professor Oak, who used to fill balls with poisonous gas to throw at the Pokémon back in the original game. Sure, apples Fluffruit have replaced Prof Oak’s more, ahem, unorthodox methods, apparently because the developers were trying to be more humane, but David Attenborough would still not approve.

Have you had moments of abject horror in New Pokémon Snap? Have you inadvertently killed a Pikachu with a slightly-too-firm vegetable? Let us know in the comments.